I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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