I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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