So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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