btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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