Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
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He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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