My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
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Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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