I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize