Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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