Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
