Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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