I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize