What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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