can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize