I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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