i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize