Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
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Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
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We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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