God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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