theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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