im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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