The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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