best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
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Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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