I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize