people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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