Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize