He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize