She is in my trunk
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
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The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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