This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
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Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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