Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize