My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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