Are we in a gay sports bar?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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