I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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