I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
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I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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