he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
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No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
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In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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