homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3pm strippers are depressing
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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