He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your signature on my underwear?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize