So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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