Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he shaved USA in his pubs
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so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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