I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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