we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
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His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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