just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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