Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
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Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
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A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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