Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
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She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
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