We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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