He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize