It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
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there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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