I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize