I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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