if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize