I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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