I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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