I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize