Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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